i just dont want to miss you tonight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87Fkp1maBAo

*I just dont want to miss you tonight*

*and i dont want the world to see me
cause i dont think that they'd understand
when everythings made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am*

*and you cant fight the tears that aint coming*

*or the moment of truth in your lies*

tears, what else is new?

im sick and tired of being walked all over. i just dont understand. i really need to just stop caring, show him how it feels but i never will. i do so much for you and all i get in return is treated like crap. i dont understand how someone could treat another person, who they say is one of their bestfriends the way you treat me. i feel like im kept around, im your last resort, and i dont want to be that girl for you. i want you to want to hang out with me, not feel like you have to every once in a while in hopes that its gets me off your back for a couple weeks. i dont want to be that friend to you that you keep around because you cant get rid of me. i want to be someone who you truly chersish the firendship we have together. about a year and a half ago i could say i was that person, now i have no idea. its so hard to let the days go when we used to talk on the phone for hours every night, tell each other everything, and were insepreable. i no things change and people change, but i really thought are friendship was special, something that could withstand time, and everything that would come are way. i constanlty analyze in my head what i could have done to cause our friendship to be how it is today. and im tired of doing that. i wish i could stop, treat you like anyone of the other friends that i have, but its so hard, and i think part of that has to do with the fact that before i felt like you were the one true friend i could every have. i knew i could go to you, so many tears i cryed you wiped them away. what happens now, when your the one causing me the tears falling from my eyes? i dont know what to do anymore, i want to tell you how i feel but i cant. and no matter how hard i get hurt each and every time, i dont know what it will take for me to learn.

is it really summer?

its summer, schools out, but wheres all the fun im supposed to be having? i work 5 days a week which sucks. working in a daycare is one of the hardest things to do, and no one can fully understand until the walk in the shoes of one of the teachers and spend 8 or more hours with about 16 or 17 toddlers at one time. it is not easy, and very tiring. i have a curse on me i think, every daycare i work at i always start out in the preschool room, this is the age i love, the kids can have a conversation with you, are able to do things on their own and follow directions, i get to know these kids and love going into work everyday, then it happens! the switch me into the toddler room, dont get me wrong i love all kids, but i know i dont give my best to them, simply because i cant, its to much to handle and too many of them at that. i hate saying something to them and just getting starred at, like i have 10 heads. i hate having to feed them because they cant eat on their own. i hate changing their diapers. not to mention the two other teachers in the room arent very helpful either. one of the them treats me like im one of the babies and the other always says shes going to do something, leaves me outside with the kids, and doesnt come back for a half hour. not only that but she calls her boyfriend at least 3 times a day and that doesnt even count the times he calls in to talk to her. the other teacher told me to scrub the floor the other day,...so there i was scrubbing the floor, last i checked caring for the children was in my job description not scrubbing floors, because the cleaning crew do not do a good job.

thankfully, last week was only a 4 day week. we had off on friday due to july 4th. having an extra day off was great, and im already dreading going back tommorow. on friday, i got a surprising phone call from a friend i havent heard from in a while, he asked to do something, until he had to go pick up his other friend. i agreed, but i was a little annoyed at the same time. i was so happy that we would spend time together and that he actually called but i kinda feel like i was a time killer for him. also we went to see transformers, and he admitted that no one else would go see it with him because they already had. so then again i also feel like i was used to go see a movie. i already told him though, he owes me big time, when i really girly movie is out, hes going to have to go with me.

today he has a chance to prove he cares. he says we havent hung out in a while cuz alot of things were going on and he didnt want to talk about them at them time i asked to hang out. so now that we've talked, we will see what happens. Friday after he dropped me off he was supposed te text me if he was coming back and he never did. strike 1. but that didnt surprise me, cuz when he leaves 2 go pick up his (choice words) friend i know he wont follow through with what he says. so today he gets another chance. we talked about going to dinner after he gets out of work tonight, so we will see if he follows through with that. hopefully he will, we only get about a half hour to talk on friday cuz that movie was almost 3 hours long!! so we will see, im crossing my fingers, its all up to him now.

in a little im going to pick up gina, were going to get our nails done, and im going to relax for once, and pamper myself. even though, i know that will b hard to do cause i will be wondering all day if our dinner tonight will happen.