How could you be so heartless?

Somethings never change no matter how much you think they are starting to. What did u try to use me as a time waster last week? Sorry i couldnt be their to waste ur time. U owe me enough money that would allow me to buy myself a new gucci bag but i will never see a penny of it. Im a pushover- and blame this on myself, but mayb its really you. I cant think of this right now, im going to bed..more tommorow.. im sorry you chose to surrond yourselves with ppl who will never be succesful, and ideas of including doing drugs. thought learned. dont count on me to ge you out of trouble, call them, since obviously you cant live without them!


ps. baby girl take care of that foot!

Florida... where no one knows my name

so today basically confirmed it....i miss you...ur gone...kinda...havent been home in 3 weeks, ur mom says. however she told me your thinking more and more about going back to school, which i cant be more proud of you for, get your life back on track, u can do anything you want to, i believe in you and always will! you have it in you to become something great! (ah, im slowly strarting to sound like a teacher!) but seriously, i love you and you can do it if you try. i wont lie to you, it wont be easy, but i will be here to help every step of the way, if you need it. back in the day, our freshman year when i was having a horrible year, u were there for me, every step of the way and i wanna help you in any way i can, so you can reach your dreams. altough, we dont see each other as much as we did, i still care about you as much as i did when we spent each and every day with each other. I hope soon, ul drive back home so we can meet up, or we can find a half way point and meet somewhere...i miss you..you know that!

anyway...not much going on..i update less and less because i have so much hw to do. i need a break. a vacation far away for a long time. Cant wait for my 21st bday, were trying to plan a nice girls get away, leaning towards going to the bahamas. schools getting tough, hating nj more and more with each day. i think im ready for a change in my life. I want to move to Florida. seriously, like that song..i think ill start it over, start a new life, where no one knows my name...except i want to go to FL and not boston...lol...maybe one day what we talked about back in highschool, will come true...if it happens ill settle for just my pink kitchen, you can pick the colors of the other rooms just like we planned...heck..id be so happy to be in FL and have my best friend back that the walls could be painted bright green and i wouldnt care!!

o and on another note...what in the world were you thinking when you told me to dress up as the girl from hairspray. Have you looked in the mirror lately? i dont know who you think you are..but that was something i will never forget...its was totally disrespectful and un called for and wrong on so many levels..how can you say something like that to one of your best friends? i cant wait to see how long it takes you to realize somethings up...and btw i dont want to go to your fake colleges fake prom...please grow up......your in college, and i swear some of my elementary students are more grown than you...wake up and smell the coffee....you have no right to say the things you do, and what you told me put it over the top..i dont think ul ever understand how much you hurt me...and this is yet another reason why i cant let him go..not once has he ever made a comment about my weight or the way i look. he told me i was beautiful and loved me for the way i was...always made me feel the best about myself. maybe he really is the only true friend i will every have....

memories

driving down to the beach today pointing out all the places that i have stories about, that all are about things that have happened with me and you. spilling th milk, almost being killed by a turkey vulcher, our future houses, the place we drove down to eat at in january so you could see someone who liked very much. just driving down their in general made me sad. my car felt empty beacuse you werent in it. i love having gina in my car, somone to laugh and sing with the whole way down, but i would have loved if you were in the car with us to, laughing and singing along. i miss you more than ul every know. i want my best friend back. i wrote you a message telling you how i showed gina the place where i spilled the chocolate milk, asked you how everything was and how you liked your new job..u read it but, you have no consideration to even right me back. i dont get it..im on the back burner...you gave me a 10 year warantee, techniquly i have 3 years left, but i dont think so...i cant keeo putting all the effort into it anymore. more than anything i want to have someone to call and just talk to like before, but now you wont even answer the phone, id love to know what caused all this! as for now ill tell you what you told me...i miss you terribly..the the only diffrence? i actually mean it.

sleep for the night..........nyc in the morning