only one of you can stand under my umbrella

Its funny how things are. I thought i had some really good friends in my life, but honestly i dont. i feel like i have just one, hopefully this is something true and not because i want it to be that way. Im tired of drama, we were supposed to leave that in high school. and yes, he does not treat me the best he can, but if i needed him he would be there as quick as he could. and honestly i dont really feel like anyone else of you would do that. you say you care and u understand, but is that the truth? probably not! and i can see right through that. and as bitchy as it may sound, i could careless about how u feel, and if u can "act" like you care then guess what i can "act" like i care to about what is going on with you, but quite frankly i dont give a crap. why should i put in any effort when u dont either...and if i showed this to anyone but him, u would all call me crazy. but none of you really understand...you dont get it..and yes ill be the first to admit, we used to fight like an old married couple, and got into some really bad fights, not talking to each other for weeks or months, but look how it came out in the end. we always worked our way through it and it seemed like none of it every happened. can any of you say that? it takes true friends to do something like that. maybe i am crazy, maybe! maybe its just cuz were going on the second week of being really good again since a while, and im happy about that, maybe. but i feel i can really truely honestly say that if i needed him right now, hed drive down 2 be here with me. and none of you would. one of u would would be to busy talking about ur "boyfriend"...and another one would ignore me. and others i wouldnt even bother. its really funny how things turn out, i think one of the reason its so hard to let you go is because once your gone i will have no one. ul be to far away to come and rescue me, and i dont no if i can handle that, the past 7 yrs. u were always there to catch me when i fall! i can go on and on but i wont....all i can say is im tired of feeling like crap because of you ppl that are supposedly my best friends. and to you--ur not reading this but if u were u would no it was you...thank you for everything! and ilu, lets keep this up!

ps. gina baby girl, ur not in this category, i know ud be there for me! and i no u may not want 2 here me go on and on about u no who, but atleast u sit and listen, and sometimes thats all i need....so a thank you 2 u 2 baby girl...prom in 3 days! get excited..u will look sooo pretty! cant wait!

anyway, way back when, when rhianna made this song, i told my best friend that this was our song. the other day i found a cover of it by all time low, and i love it so here its is.....

im surronded by fakes

GET A LIFE..............................
-stop saying his name no one cares! NO ONE! if i had a dime for every time u said it i would have a very nice LV bag on my arm right now!

I have one true friend and hes moving to New Orleans, leaving me fakes, who only pretend to be friends!


Gina, are u ready to take over!?


baby girls prom in 5 days!!!!

she says baby its 3am i must be lonely...

its 3am and im not the least bit tired. im waiting for this horrible rain were supposed to get! dont think its coming. really having nothing much to say....

i feel like this week im playing catch up..ive seen so many friends who i havent seen or talked to in a while, just over the course of this week.

want to go to the beach, hopefully it will get nice soon....i remeber memorial days where we would sit on the curb watching the parade and sweating..why is it not even in the slightest bit hot yet...i thought we were facing Global Warming!?....its not getting warm! Hello!....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mAf-He3zjg&feature=related
---ignore the stupid video that goes with this song...but the song sounds so pretty....

new orleans = 2o hour drive :( over 1000 miles :( :(

............

build me up buttercup

remeber when we used to sing that song, every time we got into my car. thank you for spending time with me yesterday. i really had fun, but it reminded me of all the old times. i miss you, and cant believe your moving, but cant believe so far away. im proud of you though for doing what u want and following your heart which apparently isnt something i can do. im exuasted and want to go back to sleep, but u woke me up this morning to tell me how good my rap was that i wrote for you last night. and honestly i wouldnt have it any other way. i only hope things stay the way they are, but ive already done that before. going to hop in the shower now and go look for a job....

at least ill be able to get through today happy

second semester GPA 3.2 i feel smart!

4 things

4 things i want to say to 4 diffrent people, without saying there names.

1. ur school, which by the way u dont really go to, u go to a satelitte school, is not the best in the world, get over it. u will are and never will be like ur sister. everyone of you are all trying to be people ur not. sorry to tell you once again you cannot marry your brother! somethings up their, no brother and sister are that close. i am not in the slightest bit surprised that u canceld plans on me last night. i actually expected that. and dont asume that because my status says im upset, its because of you...um, hello! i wrote that the day b4 u canceld plans, and u will never no why im so upset, because simply i dont want to no ur point of you on the whole thing. and having ur mom comment my status telling me to blame her is wrong.

2. i dont know what ur trying to prove. you must have told me at least 2o times last night, u lost weight, i get it, the first time, u dont have to rub it in, and frankly i really dont care. and then today you continued to tell me..texting me telling me your loosing ur boobs! what! i dont care. ur "bf" is strange, but les strange than his brother who u thought id love...im hello, the kid went to the mall to buy a sword!! what! omg dont get me started....save the strange boys for urself thank you!

3. i dont understand. dont move without saying good bye thats all i ask! i miss you! should i call u grandpa?

4. cant wait for tommorow. maybe mr. boat shoes, will offer me free study help! woudnt that be nice! he sooo cute, and for once a normal nice guy, plus a future doctor! major plus..lets work on that tommorow...love ya cousin..see ya bright and early!

...with tears running down your face

i cant begin to describe how am feeling today, upset, depressed, frustrated, cant stop crying. i wake up today only to find that my best friend is moving to new orleans, next month. what a great way to find over the internet. after all this time,i really didnt think it would hurt this much, hes been more of a jerk lately than a true best friend, but i think that might be part of why it hurts so much that hes leaving. when i think back, hes really the only one of my true best friends. no matter what i had to say he would sit and listen, my other friends only listen to what they want to hear. and me being upset that he is leaving, i will on only have to hold it in because, they could care less, and me even saying hes name, will make them mad. so really once he moved, the only good friend, i will have is in new orleans:(, yes only a phone call away, but what about those times when all i really need is a hug :(! u cant hug someone on the phone. im hoping that he makes some time for me sometime soon, its so hard, to to know that hes leaving and i havent seen him. i really have nothing elese to say am to upset to talk about it...

just because

here are the things i believe..



I believe that one day i will truely be happy

I believe one day you will realize how much i really mean to you

I believe hot summer sunny days at the beach are the best kind of days

I believe most school work is pointless

I believe i need to stop being a pushover

I believe one tree hill is my addiction

I believe i should have my own reality show

I believe you helped me have the best 6 yrs of my life

I believe i will have a navy blue range rover one day

I believe that tanning can turn a bad day upside down

I believe in acting like a little kid when you need to

I believe that one day i wont wait for you to call

I believe that a girls night out with true friends is the best medicine

I believe i am the best friend you had, have, or will ever have

I believe im lucky to have great family

I believe that my cousin gina is not only family, but one of my best friends

I belive the guy at the puppy store is not gay! (stop laughing, gina!)

I believe im getting carryed away

I believe that nick at night should stop playing family manners and george lopez

I believe absence make the heart grow stronger

I believe some songs can totally match something going on in your life

I believe its easy to get lost in a song

I belive theres not enough time in a day

I believe that coldstone bday cake remix is the best ever

I believe that i miss you more and more each day, even though i shouldnt

I belive your a great friend even though half the time im trying to avoid you

I believe you wish you could marry your brother

I believe i spent the best 3 days of my life in Florida

I believe you get the best thinking done, when your alone in the car.

I believe a great stress realever is singing at the top of your lungs while driving

I believe you should never stop believing.

a few random notes

Am I suppose to put my life on hold because you don't know how to act and you don't know where your life is going?~~ Kristina Debarge

Oh sweetheart put the bottle down You got too much talent I see you through those bloodshot eyes There's a cure you found it Slow motion sparks You caught that chill Now don't deny it But boys will be boys Oh yes they will They don't wanna define it Just don't deny it~~Kelly Clarkson

So one final monday, 2 finals thursday and 1 more final the next tuesday, then im done with that place until september. Im so tired i need a break! i went to look for a nice summer job today, i have interview on monday, cross ur fingers it goes well!..anyway tommorow emmys graduation, should be interesting spending the whole day with family, considering i cant stand looking at my parents at the moment.

I saw you today, driving, smoking ur cigarette as usual. do u ever work? i dont get it. i miss you! i have so much stuff that i need to talk about, and ur the only one i can do that with..i guess i will have to keep it all bottled up inside until u finally have time for me. You have so much that you could be doing right now to benefit ur future. and u chose to continue to hang out with thouse ppl. who got u in all this mess in the first place.

and you. i think ur getting to far ahead of urslef with this kid. ur just setting urslef up for rejection later. and i really dont wanna hear it. im tired of hearing that meeting him was the best thing in ur life and all this stuf..omg.idk..im give up...im going 2 sleep!